More than one time I was asked to sit down across from a counselor and talk about my life. Let's begin with your family, they always lead. My family's story is held in numerous offices, files, or clouds (can I chose which type of cloud? can it be a Polar stratospheric cloud, please?). After awhile, I dreaded the though of starting over because who needed to know that my paternal grandfather was a diabetic or that mental health was an ongoing family issue? I just hated the thought of unearthing some of these harder truths. Mental health, alcoholism, depression, poverty.
So what does it mean to be brave in your family? It means that you can be brave enough to love your family well even if your family isn't always healthy. In means that you can be brave enough to stay in family and to love family and to create family. (emph. mine)
As an adult I look back at my upbringing and can appreciate it for what it was- which was a predominantly good time. I had two parents and, although they divorced while I was still young, I knew they loved my siblings and I. We didn't have a lot of money, but we went yearly to Knoebels, hosted parties at our house, and own Tommy Hilfiger jeans and ADIDAS jackets. We had a dog named Bear.
There was the love of friends, family, and soothing prayers prayed over and for us on a daily rhythm:Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
That when I go to sleep at night,
I'll wait to see the morning light.
God bless mommy and daddy,
Mark, Shannon, and Nicole.
God bless nanna Geiger, nana Leonard, and nana Dellard.
God bless us all with health and love and food and shelter and people who care.
Amen.
I desperately desire that my sons look back over their childhood and know that they were well loved, cared for, and enjoyed. That they never doubt their importance.
I have felt it. I have felt it from my family. The lack thereof.
Although I never assumed it was intentional, I have felt neglected, let-down, looked-down upon. Compared, shamed, and judged.
I have felt hurt.
When McFive decided to return to PA, the land I was born and raised in, it was a big jump for us but it didn't seem too difficult. We were moving closer to family. Closer to things that matter. Until months and months into our move, settled into the house we were renting, when I had a break-down and bemoaned the fact that we ever uprooted our very comfortable, enjoyable, even lavish life in the south. #ripNC
The bemoaning happened in my heart and expressed itself through my tongue when I called family with the purpose to hurt. To sting. Why they still hadn't come to visit, and what a joke it was to have had moved closer.
Big Strong Man is really good at the 3,000-foot view and he was ever a reminder that we cannot change them, only us.
My family has hurt me, but they have also loved me well.
When I begin to feel sorry for myself regarding them, it is important that I remember whom I am responsible for -myself- and to extend grace.
So. Much. Grace.
What does it look like to love your family well even if they've hurt you?...it's following the example of God, Who lives and breathes forgiveness and grace. It's asking Him for wisdom with those in your family who baffle you. Pray for the courage to stick with your family and love them as they are, the way God has loved you.
Be Brave:
Call someone in your family.
Thank this person for his or her love and support through the years.
Maybe family is complicated for you; I get that.
Then call someone who has been like family to you.
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| earthsky.org |
That Polar stratospheric cloud? Here it is: mighty and delicate. Stunning. Like a rainbow. Like a promise. Like a good day for living well. Like forgiveness and grace. Like family.
Advent, Day 5:
The Bird and the Bag
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