When You Hold On, Day 57: 100 Days to Brave (Why I Miss the 90's, Marriage Realities, and Advent Day 19)

Hold Onto Hope Love, I've searched high and low for you.

Her voice is eerily beautiful and reminds me of sentimentality in the form of Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You". This means I like it. A lot.  (Can you even listen to this without feeling all. the. feelings? Like My So-Called Life and riding around with friends in cars listening to #90s music? OMGoodness, I so love this style!!)



Our author friend, Annie encourages us today to listen to Any Stroup's song, Hold Onto Hope Love. So I did.
You can too, just click right here.

I know Annie's heart is to be a wife and mother. I wondered as I read today's devotion if this was her focus.  This song, says Annie, "It's been my companion more nights than I can count as I've cried to God about the rough patches on my hands from holding tightly to the cliff of hope when it would be easier to just let go and fall into hopelessness." 

And I can imagine her, crying out to God. Wanting to remain content and steadfast in His sovereignty, and yet having this overwhelming desire for something she cannot make happen on her own. Something for which the very God she cries out to, alone, can offer her. A gift which is hers, but at His discretion.
And the only thing I can think of in comparison is the state of my marriage. 
Big Strong Man and I are doing well, presently, and I hope and pray this remains or is left behind for a passion and a love like we have not yet even experienced.  So in this middle ground -and when we are fighting for our marriage through tears and curse words in the presence of our counselor or in the honesty of our bedroom with the door shut, we hold on.
We hold tight.
We hold on when it would be so much easier in that moment to let go .
To free-fall into the unknown.

Holding on, How Long?
"I think the answer is to hold on until the Lord makes it really clear that you're supposed to let go. Ask God. Ask people you trust, Ask your own heart. But while you are listening, persevere, and lean into holding on until God and other people make it really clear that you're supposed to let go."  (emph mine)

Be Brave: 

Tell someone you trust how you are trying to hold on. 

Let someone encourage you. 

(And maybe listen to Amy Stroup's song, I think you'll love it.)

I'm going to tell you, readers. How I am holding on for good. Holding strong and firm, because two vows were spoken, one oath before God, and three young men are here to bear witness. So Big Strong Man and I will work this out. This season, and the next. We will continue to hug for 30 seconds and no less as per instructed by our marriage counselor.

And we will do all of this by holding on. 

To our marriage. 

To God. 

To the best parts of each of us- the fighting parts. 

The parts seeking the heart of God. 

All the best as you hold on to your seasons, your lots, and your dreams. 

Advent Day 19: the Push Wagon