Disclaimer: The following interview will talk candidly about addiction.
*****
Pottsville Middle School, circa 1996.
I found myself sitting in the second row, nearest the right hand wall. It was a room filled with choir students, an optional elective, and one I both wanted and feared. I willed myself to simply remain in my chair.
This was the first time she and I met, as she sat in the seat behind me. And, ya'll, the girl could sing!
Her name was Krissy and she was this interesting mix of sweet and quite but with the bravado and bravery of a loud, lovely singing voice. I was so in awe of the fact that she could sing -out loud in the presence of others. We quickly became friends and the rest is history!
...Or at the least, it was history. Years later I would see her post mile after mile of completed running sessions. I would read the encouragement she shared, maybe a Scripture, maybe a sweaty-selfie with her running stats. This was the equivalent of watching reality tv- of which I am not a fan. But she was a real person, a person I have history with, and she was posting real life challenges and accomplishments. And I was all for it.
I never got tired of seeing a post.
And the girl has got a story to share. A story of hardship and overcoming, a story of battling addiction and pounding the asphalt. Today, friends, we are going to church!
***
Meet Our Interviewee:
How old were you when you realized you had both passion and talent in the singing department? I sang in a choir as early as I can remember. I started in the youth choir at First Baptist Church when I was just a small child then went on from there.
Your voice landed you some awesome solos. Do you remember each solo and, more specifically, do you remember your very first? Sweet friend I don’t remember any of them! Maybe it was the nerves that came along with the solos that have caused me to forget. (Krissy couldn't remember, but I can easily recall that she got the lead in our Disney compilation- Cinderella, to be exact!)
High School: OK, there is no way we can talk about high school and not name-drop. One name: Harp. What does hearing his name and reminiscing about him mean to you? I smile ear to ear when I think of him. Such a kind, and caring teacher. Pottsville High was surely blessed to have him. (Yes, yes, yes. All the things.)
There is something about music
that moves me unlike anything else
Harp put together some incredible concerts. Is there any one concert that takes the cake so far as you're concerned? I did always love the Christmas concerts though. That time of the year in general and the atmosphere in the auditorium always felt so warm to me. I also felt so proud whenever we were allowed to sing songs about Christ. Singing about God always made me beam from that stage. (For time-stamping, this was right on the cusp of "Christmas break" transitioning to "Winter break" and everything becoming politically correct.)
Since graduation what have been some highlights of your life? Meeting my husband and having our children. I always knew I wanted to have kids and when I was blessed with them I was over the moon.
Now let me be honest here, for awhile I was very selfish
and fell deeply into my addictions and that caused a lot of damage to my children.
Now that I am on the other side of that wall, I can start to see how God used my husband
at that time to rise up and take on more of a caretaker role for our family.
Which I know was all part of His plan.
As a family we have traveled to different cities and states working a homeless outreach ministry, so that was an exciting time for us as a whole and for me to be working in His kingdom.
Rene holding one of Krissy's Senior Portraits
You've been married over a decade- congratulations! Tell us what has helped you and Mike stand the test of time. ...And then there were babies...can you give a nod to each of your children?
I think patience and understanding is key for us.
We also are still so in love with each other on such a deeper level than when we first met.
We’ve had to navigate through some pretty difficult times and when we’ve come out on the other side of those challenges our relationship has changed.
Mike has been the picture of God’s love in the flesh for me. When I sit and think about a visual representation of what His love would look like, I see my husband’s loyalty when it was difficult for him to stay, his grace when it was difficult to be around me, and his love when I couldn’t even love myself. That, my dear friend was the exact plan I know God had for us and I live every day with an unbelievably grateful heart.
... Nathan is 18 and a senior in high school. Nathan ran track for 1 year and cross country for 3 years now. I’m sometimes envious of his running form. It’s flawless and he makes running look effortless.
Next is my second son, Devin. He is 17, a junior, and he also runs track. Devin has been my running partner for the past few years now. We spur each other on towards our very different goals and you better believe that if he’s pounding the streets early morning, so am I. There is comfort in knowing I’m not out there alone.
Last but definitely not least, I have my daughter, Rene. She will be 16 in May. She is, hands down, exactly like her momma. She has such an incredible spark about her heart and passions- it really leaves me in awe most days. Mark my words my dear friend, one day this beautiful girl of mine will change the world.
All 3 make me proud daily and I just don’t know what I’ve done so right to have been blessed to be their mother. God is so unbelievably good.
Your babies aren't actually babies anymore! Can you offer any advice for those of us who don't have "big kiddos" just yet? We all parent differently and in seasons of our own lives our parenting will change depending on situations. I always thought I preferred the younger years over what was to come when they aged, however I’m really enjoying this time of their lives. I do miss the playing stage and cuddle time but I LOVE to sit back and watch them grow into adults and gently guide them when need be in their decision making. I guess I could say it gets better as it goes on but honestly the entire mom life is something really special.
At some point you began running- It was like watching a documentary! I was so encouraged by you. Can you tell us how running became such an important part of your life?
I started running 8 years ago. When I decided to start running I was about 80 pounds over weight, a heavy smoker, and a drinker. A family friend suggested running, as well as a neighbor. I started walking/jogging with her for a bit and then just kind of grew from there. I use the Nike running app but do go back and forth with some other ones as well.
At first I would walk a block, then jog half a block. I just kept at it from there. It was, and still is, hard sometimes because I would hate to see my reflection in Windows or cars. I knew I was doing the right thing though and just kept plugging along. I did quit drinking and smoking at this point, however I only replaced one addiction with another. Running and loosing weight became what smoking and drinking had previously been to me. An outlet, a moment of time that was all mine, an escape. What started out as a good thing turned into an obsession with being “skinny”. And, although I did loose 70 pounds in about a year, I still had a lot of junk going on inside me which I needed to address- not just push under the rug.
About 2 years after that, I started drinking and smoking again while I was running. I would think “well I’ll run it off tomorrow” or “I deserve this wine, I ran 6 miles today”. It was awful. I was a hot mess. I have just recently jumped back into sobriety.
are hard
I’m grateful for how I did it so wrong the first time. I see things differently now. Before I chased a size or number on a scale and hid from all the feelings and experiences I needed to heal from. Now I do 2 separate things...I give God all my brokenness and scars from the past and I allow that healing to happen so that I can focus on making the daily choice to not use but rather lace up
because I can.
Because I am blessed with the gift to run, something not everyone has. It feels so free, this way as compared to before, and if I didn’t do it so wrong before I never would know how right it is now.
Last time I hit the ground running with a goal to be “skinny". This time I run because it helps me become better inside. I know it sounds strange. I still set goals for myself like "x amount of miles a week or month" but I don’t beat myself up if it doesn’t happen.
So your sons have caught the running bug as well! I imagine you taught them plenty when it came to running. What have they taught you? Girl, just reading this made me tear up. Each of my boys have taught me so so much by watching them and their running careers. Both Nathan and Devin have shown me the true meaning of pushing on and perseverance in the eye of defeat. Both in different ways. My "men" have risen up from bad situations, both physical and mental, and used running as a vise to help them grow stronger. I honestly could watch them run all day long.
Nathan has taught me to look adversity in the eye and to take it on head first. He has had so many challenges that would normally cripple someone and make them hide- but not my guy. He gets out there on that track and pushed not only himself but his team mates as well. It’s incredible!!
Devin has shown me there is no quit. None. No quit in us. We just don’t have that inside us. We press on because we see how God has healed us physically with lifting and running.
Devin has overcome such physical ailments with physical fitness. Devin was not a healthy child and when we got the diagnosis of scoliosis we were crushed. Mike was lead by the Holy Spirit in the following days to do something that was new to him. He took Devin to the weight room guided Devin on his way to a strong, healthy back. Not only did the muscles around Devin’s spine get strong, they actually straitened out!
It was awesome to watch God orchestrate all the things that went into motion all for the good of Devin’s health. Both the guys remind me that, yes we are strong athletes, but our strength comes from God, not us.
When I start to do my runs for me
I remember how intertwined God is in our physical fitness
and it readjusts my mindset back to Him.
What is the farthest you have run to date and what are your running goals? The furthest I have run was just January 1st. Devin and I completed 21 miles. We did 21 to celebrate 2021. I honestly didn’t think I could do it- but he did. Devin had faith in me even before we walked out the front door. All I did was piggyback on his faith in me. If you think about it though, that’s kind of how my faith in God works. When I struggle to see Him or feel Him, I piggyback on Mike’s Faith. I let him pour into my heart the faith he has in our God. That run was totally a God run. Most of them are. I have felt His hand on my back in such critical times when I wanted to quit. (This is why I know I’m supposed to be a runner. God has literally told me in so many different ways.)
There is a marathon in October. I already know I’ll need Devin right by my side when I do it- I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.
Somehow running is related to your sobriety. What goes through your memory when you think back to the beginnings of your addiction? What does that look like? The beginning of my addictions.... I can’t say there was one thing that made me want to drink. And I can’t say it started heavy. It was a slow process. A drink here or there turned into a few on a Friday night, then a case of beer for the weekend, and then eventually during the week as well. I always made excuses why I could drink. I mean, wine does go with a big pasta dinner on a Sunday, right?
The first time I got sober it was for a different purpose. I wanted to loose weight so I just stopped drinking. And yes, it was incredibly difficult. When I did it this time it was -and still is- a whole different ball game. For the last year that I was drinking, I felt God so strongly. It was weird because I’d beg and cry for God to take this away like before.
The thing is, the first time I got sober I did it by myself.
I didn’t ask Him for help and frankly didn’t think I needed help.
Which is why it didn’t stick that time.
I knew God was showing me His love all the while I was asking for help.
My brain knew He loved me but my heart wouldn’t accept this Truth. So it went on like that for what seemed like forever. The drinking, the guilt, the pleading to Him, feeling His presence and back to drinking again. I suppose it was seeing Him in the addiction with me that snuck down deep in my heart and I started to feel like my drinking days were over. I was going to trust Him and put one foot in front of the other and walk out of that addiction hand-in-hand with Him.
And here we are. When I’m weak, He sends me a sign or a person to check on me. My favorite is
when I’m feeling like I want to drink so I go to Him in prayer and He sends me a non-believer. I LOVE
that!!!!! Not only is this person checking on me and encouraging me but then I get to share with them
that they were an answer to a prayer. I love how God works like that.
In the midst, did you ever have that out-of-body experience where you look at yourself from an
outsider’s point-of-view and see how hurt you were? Although you were in an addictive state, there never ceased to be a real person inside your flesh who was hurting. Did you see her? Was there any sympathy for her? I didn’t see the hurt girl inside me just as I didn’t see how badly I was hurting my family while I was in the thick of it. For years I was in this constant state of blur. Even on the -maybe 2- days a week I didn’t drink, I was so hungover I couldn’t focus. I’m sure I’ve done some damage to my brain in those years. I told myself I was a highly functional alcoholic and I was fine but I was anything but fine. It took about a month of not drinking for me to start feeling and to be able to see the reasons for my addiction in the first place.
What was your turning point? At what point did you declare “the buck stops here!”? Will you always have to fight to remain sober? Unfortunately I fight every single day to stay sober and to not smoke. Just this morning on my run I thought, “It's Friday, I get to drink”. Then reality sets in and I get sad because I know I can’t. That’s where focusing on my why is so important to staying strong. Also prayer is key for my sobriety. I can almost hear God saying “ Girl remember when you were throwing up on the bathroom floor crying to me to help? Do we want to go back there or move towards the love you know I have for you?” I know I have to fight not only for me but for my kids. I want to show them they can do the hard things that life is gonna throw at them.
What does this look like for someone who is currently in a place of addiction? What advice do you feel you can offer? What I’d say is God is there with you, He will never leave you and there is no amount of alcohol that could ever chase Him away. One of the key parts of my sobriety is staying away from the people I used to drink with. This can cause people to feel some sort of way but nothing can come over my sobriety, nothing!
Basically just make the decision that for that day you won’t drink,
then the next day make the same decision.
Day after day, just put one sober foot in front of the other.
Besides running, what has served you during this season to help you fight for your sobriety?
My faith in God and Him changing my heart is probably the key to me being sober today. If I just run to stay sober and don’t rely on Him for His strength, I know I’ll cave in eventually just like before.
Jesus is my key.
Your running is a form of therapy for you...a way to “expend your energy”. What has running taught you? What keeps you getting up and going day after day? I am stronger when I don’t listen to the lies of the enemy in my head. He can get me so off track but God brings me right back to my running shoes.
I remember at a particularly rough physical and mental patch, asking God to show me if I was supposed to keep running. Praying, “if this is what I’m supposed to be doing, I’m gonna need You to show me because I just feel so weak”. The very next morning I was out for a run and trying to go up a hill which usually makes me want to hide and I had a feeling of intense strength. Like the road was completely flat and I had brand new legs. I remember thinking this feeling of an effortless run up that hill was so abnormal for me, especially since I was dead tired right before tackling that part of the run. I knew it was Him. It wasn’t me running -it was God moving me up that hill. He was showing me this is what I’m called to do. I’m not sure why, but He wants me running. When you know God wants you to do something you just do it.
Besides the physical benefits, would you say there are also any mental, spiritual, or emotional gains to moving your body? Oh absolutely!!!! I always feel so much better and more awake
after a workout or run. It’s the blood pumping wake up call I need daily.
You also connect running to God, as if running is a holy experience. I know not everyone will be able to relate, but what does that mean for you? It means everything. I hear Him so clearly when it’s just me and Him out there on the road. It’s bizarre but it’s so true. I hear God clearest when I’m running. Whether it’s putting verses together to make sense to me, or showing me something that will help me heal, or the beauty that’s out there. He is always talking, I just have to get out there and listen.
In a previous conversation, you mentioned that God has shown you over and over how strong you are. Can you elaborate? The hill example would be the best one I can give. But also when Devin and I ran the 21 miles too. None of that would’ve been possible if God had not shown me His strength in me. I take those examples and let that carry over to my sobriety, parenting, being a wife and just being a Christian girl in Satan’s world.
Did you grow up in a family where faith and relationship with Jesus were practiced? If not, when did your personal relationship with Jesus begin? I did grown up in a church-going family. I am very grateful for that, however my relationship with God didn’t really grow until I was about 16. I loved digging into the Word and knowing Who He was and growing in that way. Unfortunately, I pulled away around 18 for a few years. I always believed in Him but I just lived for me. I was lead by the world. I came back to Him around 9 years ago. Love that He welcomes us back each and every time.
I think it’s important to seek all areas of our lives
to see which road we want to travel.
Do you have any specific Scriptures, quotes, books, etc. which serve you as foundation for your life? I really just try to dig into whatever Scripture comes up with my daily devotions or readings. There is 1 verse that has a special place in my heart.
I was going through a depressed time, in my addiction. Feeling insecure at that time, ugly, unwanted and used up. I know God knew how I was feeling and, while doing a devotional, the verse Amos 7:1 was referenced. It was referring to something totally different but when I looked up the verse and read it something strange happened. Every single other word on both pages of my Bible blurred out. The only clear words were this specific verse. Now this has never happened to me before. It was so strange and I tried to rub my eyes and get them to focus on an other words but I just couldn’t. The only thing I could see clearly was that verse.
What happened next was a complete miracle. I saw and heard God in this moment. What I saw in my mind was God’s hand. This massive, beautiful, creative, genius hand. Inside His hand was a locust. He was literally putting it’s wings on. He was forming it in front of my eyes. Then I heard Him in my mind and heart at the same time. He told me “ if this is how careful I’m creating this bug, how careful and perfect did I create you?” I knew and felt how much time, love, passion, and purpose went into forming me all in that moment. Needless to say I broke down and bawled like a baby.
God knew I was having all those feelings and took that time to show me this Truth with these words. I have never had an experience like that since. This is what the LORD God showed me:
The LORD God was forming locusts
at the time the late grass began to sprout.
(It was the late grass after the king’s harvest.)”
Amos 7:1 CEB
In the midst of your life with running and getting sober, you had a wedding renewal.
What was your reasoning for having the renewal? What did it mean for you and for Mike to have your children involved, have dear friends included, and make that public proclamation once again? During our first wedding, I was 8 months pregnant with Rene and feeling very massive. The entire day, while nice, was just very stressful for me. Nathan screamed his head off because he wanted me to hold him and there was drama with family so I knew we would have a do over at some point. This just seemed like the right time. Plus as soon as I tried my new dress on I fell in love!
It was so special to have the kids take part in it this time. The guys walked me down the aisle and the entire day was absolutely perfect.
Alright friend, we’ve come to the end. Where do you go from here? Right now I’m waiting on God to show me what’s next. I’d love to use my running and make a career out of it, but I just have to wait to see what God wants for me.
What goals do you currently have? What do you hope of the next five and then ten years of life?
I had hope to become a personal trainer however I want to be crystal clear that’s what I’m
supposed to be doing. So for now just praying. The kids will be leaving shortly, with Nathan heading off
on his own in a few short months, then each other child the year after, so things will be different. I’m just not sure what that’ll look like.
What one thing are you most excited to participate in once all Covid-19 restrictions are lifted? No holds barred? Ummmmm the only thing I can think of is hugging everyone!!!!! Man I miss that.
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