Wednesday, March 4, 2015

To Spank or Not to Spank? (With Addition)


To Spank or Not to Spank?
On a recent well-visit to the pediatrician, our very friendly doctor asked
me how I discipline my boys.
Now, had she just asked pointblank,  just like that, I may have felt un-
comfortable, but I knew she was feeling around for their behavior/our
(parenting) behavior, how we all meshed, that kind of thing.
I told her that we did time-outs and, when more serious issues arise,
spankings.

Yes, we believe in spanking.

After one moment's time, she responded to me in her beautiful Russian accent.
She simply stated:
We don't believe that there are any benefits to spanking.
It is no good.
I am fairy certain she was talking about we, doctors, and not, we, Russians.


                                             (not quite the Blue Meanie I remember...)

I smiled to myself because I respect her, and I respect those who agree with her,
even though I do not.
This is not the first time I have disagreed with a medical professional, likely not
the last.  (You can see another rebuttal here at my post about the Flu shot:
Bell's (Palsy) and Alternative Medicine (Elderberry Syrup) )

There is Biblical Scripture to back-up the benefits and decree of spanking.
I read this article from Focus on the Family and think it sums things up nicely.

Here is more from the article listed above if you read through the steps:
(bold print and italics have been added by me):

       Do you see what Scripture is saying here? Far from being a dirty
       word, discipline is evidence of love. When you consistently
       disci­pline your child and do it with the right attitude
       compassionately, under control, with consistent boundaries and
       consequences, and focused on the child's best outcome — you are
       expressing love exactly as God sometim)es expresses His love. It
       may seem uncom­fortable both to you and your child at the time,
       but in the long run, it's the most selfless, compassionate thing you
       can do to set your child up for happiness in life and fruitfulness in
       God's Kingdom. (NOTE: the misprint is their's.)

I think the MAIN KEY here is remembering that there is a difference
between discipline and punishment.




Looking at this chart, I know that I sometimes act out of frustration and
it is an issue with my heart, not just the undesired behavior of a child.
It's real, people.
I pray that my boys know that the love and the concern we have for 
them are real.
In the end, my desire is that my children grow-up with respect and are
kind men.
That they reflect Christ.

So I am wondering, dear friends, if you spank, plan on spanking, or have
spanked?
How about those of us who were spanked?
(My siblings and I got the "Blue-Meanie" growing up.... My Big Strong 
Man got the fear of God with the sound of the belt snapping down the 
hallway and in his direction- I think we turned out pretty well 
mannered and respectful. -Just my opinion.)

Oh! The quest that is parenthood! , gomommyblogger
**
PLEASE READ:
I am so appreciative for every comment I receive: here on Blogger, on Facebook, to my face.... Everything. It is remarkable how encouraging it is to write (which I love to do) and to hear feedback (Whether one agrees with my opinion or not). I am humbled and truly thankful.
One incredible comment was recently written in regards to this post and I felt that it addressed the issue of spanking from an opposing standpoint and simultaneously reminded me of issues I had completely blanked-out on. 
The comment read like this:
   I was spanked - I hated it & can say nothing good about it. For my 
  children, I almost always used the time out or sent them to their 
  room, or the loss of privileges could be effective. I also found 
  the THREAT of spanking was more powerful than the spanking itself
  .....but again, it varied per child, one could care less if she was 
  spanked, another would have a broken heart - but if you threaten, 
  you need to follow through, or you have another whole set of issues. 
  Also, always make clear that you love the child but do not love the 
  behavior...
**Italics and bold font were added by me. 
This was such a great comment because mutiple issues were address:
1) alternatives to spanking
2) knowing your child(ren) and knowing what works for each child
3) follow-through!!!!!!
Great stuff! Thank you so much for adding something so great into the pot! I so appreciate you J.
-gomommyblogger

2 comments:

  1. Great post! I was spanked as a child and now I'm a civil adult! ;) Although I'm not a parent yet, I've spent endless hours of my adult life taking care of other people's children, so I've had much opportunity to think about it. I am for spanking - with moderation. I've seen parents who are trying their best spank their children too frequently or for many minor offenses. I feel like spanking is best used to discipline a child for a deliberate obedience, not a mistake, not for just being cranky when they're tired. And I think it should be last resort. I also think the parent needs to be very careful to not spank (or discipline) out of anger - which is hard to do. I think this is a great post and I agree with you on this, Shannon! (Even though I am pro-flu-shot.) :) :) :)

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  2. Thanks for the comment, Betsy! When it comes to spanking, and I hope I made this clear in my post, but it should be a last resort OR reserved for major offenses- in my opinion. When our boys are doing something that can hurt themselves, someone else, or something (and they know better), than Big Strong Man and I totally agree that spanking is necessary- our hope is to instill this connection between something they strongly dislike and something that is strongly unadvised. ...random, but I am shocked about your love of the Flu Shot...:)

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