She had a beautiful voice with which she lead worship.
She was funny, and loved the youth; so she became a youth pastor.
She shook the life of a great many people.
Including myself.
Growing up, I had two sets of youth pastors. The first was a married couple who were hippies, I referenced them here. The second was a woman named Kim who I thought was one of God's favorites (everything seemed amazing when she was around), but somewhere along the line, I realized that she was very human, just like the rest of us.
This story is not about her.
This is a story about the youth I "youth-grouped, U-Turned, Battle of the Bands, Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames, ballet-to-Z.A.O., summer/winter camp, Purple Door, Creation Fest, all-day-at-the-Chinese-buffet, coffee-house, SPOONS, coolest-youth-group-in-the-city", with.
We were amazing!
We were on FIRE!
(If any of these eloquent phrases above catches you off-guard, I will assume that you were not a child of youth group in the 90s. Bless.)
In 1999, we learned in shock and horror that Columbine High School, (Littleton, CO), had two of their youth (students) unleash a massacre on their school and the students/faculty within. Of these students who were killed, there are two who have left lasting impressions on me because of their evident -life changing- love for God: Rachel Joy Scott, and Cassie Bernall*.
(One shot to death outside -the first killing of that day- because she loved God and was not ashamed to talk about her love. The killers apparently told her to, "go meet Him", as they shot her multiple times. Her name was Rachel Joy Scott. The second, shot some time later in the library, which was the hub of most of the killings, was Cassie Bernall . According to witnesses, she had a gun placed to her head when her murderer asked her if she believed in God. She answered with a "yes" and before she ever got to hear the follow-up question, "why?", she was shot and killed.)
When these girls so horrifically -and yet honorably- died, I think so many of us then-youth felt the conviction rise up in us as well.
Would we be willing to die for our faith?
Do we believe in Jesus enough to die for Him?
***DISCLAIMER: There are many fanatical, religious groups that MURDER,
and COMMIT SUICIDE, and engage in HATE CRIMES and the like. I am NOT
referring to this kind of "love and sacrifice". These listed here are as far from
real love as can be. These are EVIL.
The sacrifice I am referring to is that which gives someone the strength to live
(and die) for Christ. A beautiful witness. This is far from the evil of a modern-day
suicide bomber, terrorist, etc.
I suppose I just believe that, at one time, we held this flame for Jesus. He was not a cuss-word, He was a loving Savior and we esteemed time spent with Him, and fellowship with other believers whose love for God fanned the flame of our own loves.
IT WAS OUR AJ, SPRAWLED ACROSS THE ALTER, SEEKING THE HEART OF JESUS.
IT WAS TIM, CRYING OUT, "HOW COULD THEY PERSECUTE MY JESUS? MY JESUS?"
IT WAS KIM SINGING, "I AM CLAY AND I AM WATER...".
IT WAS MATT, MERCIFULLY BRINGING HIS RAMPS EVERY WEEK SO THAT EVERYONE KNEW THAT JESUS WAS COOL -AND THAT HE LOVED SKATEBOARDERS AND BIKERS!
It was P.O.D. declaring, "we are, we are, the youth of a nation!".
It was real.
Passionate.
And so many of us have allowed our flames to go out.
As though Jesus isn't so cool any more.
As though He is no longer King.
No longer worthy.
In Jen Hatmaker's, For the Love, she shares some sobering statistics in her chapter titled, "Jesus Kids". Let me just plagiarize, oh, I don't know, about the entire chapter here:
...But as I careened into adulthood, my firm foundation endured some havoc.
I noticed very few of my Third Day Acquire the Fire Now Weekend Mercy
Me compatriots sticking with church after high school, all of who had been
'on fire' just a few short years before...
...Here is where this gets real for us mamas: this is absolutely the trend. Rainer
Research found that nearly three-quarters of American youths leave church
between ages eighteen and twenty-two, while the Barna Group estimates that
by age twenty-nine, 80 percent of the churched population will become
'disengaged' with church culture.
That's 80 percent. Gone.
These are our kids.
...22 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds claim no religion, up from 11 percent in
1990
...Religion is leaving young adults disinterested at best, hostile at worst."
So, what can we do?: (asks me)
""...Young adults are abandoning church, so we can either listen carefully or
watch their backs as they go.
..let's give them (young adults) substance. [When polled, young adults said
that {the following} would draw or keep them at church]: 1.) community,
2.) social justice, 3.) depth, 4.) mentorship.
...Remember this: No matter what, our children belong to God and He is
very much paying attention.
...The best we can do is give them Jesus. Not rules, not behaviors, not
entertainment, not shame. I have no confidence in myself but every
confidence in Jesus."
So how can I not wonder, as Nate sang and
As Lifehouse sings, "And how can I stand here with You and not be moved by You?
It's just...dear reader...don't you want more for our children? Better?
If you know Jesus -really know Him- well, don't you just want to express this love?
Does your heart grow three sizes (similar to the Grinch who was redeemed after stealing Christmas)?
Do you not get excited about the things of God?
Because, I am.
Excited.
Hungry for more of God.
Eager to live a life pleasing to Him.
Desiring deeply to fan this flame- not suffocate it.
Dear reader... if you knew this love but have turned away.
...if your flame is dim. Or extinguished.
Dear reader, you are not too far from God.
I know this. Believe it with my whole heart.
Because He seeks us. ...and it is not coincidental that you are reading this.
Let's fan our flames.
And one another's.
Let's fan the flame for our children, preparing them for life.
Preparing them for real love- the love of a Father.
And maybe you will read these following books. Because they might remind you of your First Love.
yours,
*read their stories at: She Said Yes (The Unlikely Martyrdom of Cassie Bernall) and Rachel's Tears, the Spiritual Journey of Columbine Martyr Rachel Scott
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