How $6 Changed My LIfe: I WROTE A SERMON!!!

The following is a poem I had written in the writing workshop I am attending.
The prompt was to write as follows:
   
                       If I told MY TRUTH about MY LIFE today, I would say...

Shoes are a Statement.
Stilettos. Look at me; notice me.
incredibly feminine, incredibly attention seeking.
at one time I ran from attention, not seeing the point.
too plain to dress up, and "who did I think I was, anyway?"
ashamed to desire more; desire beautiful.
feel worthy of glamour- attention.

But at present they stand, here with us.
heels so tall, demanding attention.
and I wear them, and see them, and feel them, and they remind me of life.
present moment; here and now.
for it took so long to declare.
to tell my mind and heart to work together,
that I can do this.

Wear these-
feel these-
the squeeze on my little toes and the glamour with each step.
that I can be myself
enjoy myself.

Peeling away the scorn thoughts of ugly, dirty, poor girl.
tearing away the lies of unworthy, unwanted, and unfixable.
worn with gratitude.
for legs stable
and legs strong
for confidence in me.
for thankfulness
of how far I have come.

A decade between;
the first heel so long ago.
worn with fear of judgement;
the feigned ugly side glances of others,
the "you look like a fool" in my mind
to the breakdown of excitement:
the girl with the heels!
the Paris Hilton of McCann!

Los Angels changed me.
the ministry of the Dream Center,
forever a part of me.

And I walk, and run, and climb steps like a champ.

But it all gave way:
to pregnancy,
to newborns,
to toddlers being held.

And with joy I wear them once again.
reminding me of confidence found earlier.
a beauty not abandoned.

An anticipation with each shaky step-
for relearning to wear stilettos is a fascinating feat-
and not for the weak at heart.

I feel stronger.

something I like;

something I have missed with the knowledge that

I should like it if we were to someday reunite.

someday has come.

A beauty

a confidence

a strength

all a ministry of its own!

for less than $6 I have a sermon!

I could not speak earlier,

in my elementary years.

my voice I did not find until college.

and with exams, and papers, and externships:

I gratefully fulfilled them all-

so thankful for the light to click on.

no, they were not easy

but neither was loving myself.

so worth it though

I am entirely aware of where my strength comes from.

and aware that here it remains.

sturdy.

unlike the old steps new again

------------------------------------------

One of the best motivations of this writing workshop is that we work together as well as

independent of one another.

All of our work, separate from the next.

We do not talk. We write.

15 minutes without stopping.

Through the hand cramps.

Through the writer's block.

Above is 15 minutes of continual work from me.

After we write- with a pen or pencil, no computers!- we are extended the opportunity to share.

To read aloud what we have written.

And the idea is that we pass no judgement. And this, we are really good about.

Not one of us thinks our work is superior to all. Some days we feel proud of our words, other days not so much.

Sometimes we pass, as for different reasons.

I passed only once, for I wrote for the 15 minutes and followed the prompt we were given, but my writing was really a prayer, and I felt it would be best kept for the Lord and Him alone.

There is much grace here. Everyone finds words of encouragement.

Even when we do not understand the fancy lingo, or the nature symbolism.

Even when one of us writes so well about a sun beholding us and how this translates to her needing to get off of her couch more often.

We are led by a selfless leader. She rarely reads her own work, and even then it is only to offer a rare example or with the beckoning of my voice when there are few others present and I realize her sharing would not take away from our own, as she imagines it will, but that her sharing will enhance us.

Enhance our group.

Surely, her disposition allows this encouragement to flow.

After reading our poems, we are sometimes invited to explain where our motivation has come from, or to offer more detail about the light we see beyond the swanky foliage the trees in our present seem to be simultaneously blocking and revealing.  

And it is here I realize that I have been given a platform.

And in the next poem we begin we are encouraged to find our "true self" and I find her when I write:

...am I a writer? Many of the Apostles wrote.

A speaker?

She with a voice?

If God allows.

Given a platform, may I be less about myself and more about You.

John the Baptist, when asked who he was, spoke of Who he was not.

---------------------------

And at church I hear the building of an alter.
And realize my platform is my alter and my alter, my platform.

It is with the unveiling that I speak of who I once thought I was, and who I now know I am.

No, it isn't really about the stilettos.

Although they are ridiculously attractive.

It is about the 21 year old me telling the girls of the DC that they were beautiful, and somehow hearing those words for myself.

About having the faith to believe in Jesus -and staking my life on Him- but only later believing that He said I am His, and He makes all things beautiful.

That I am beautiful.

And so are you.

Beautiful.

We do not have to pursue greatness. And this is not so easy to write, for I am torn between believing that I need to be remembered long after I die- to leave behind some legacy of love and faith and completely being sold out to Jesus.

A lover of the Lover of my soul.
And allowing to become less so that He will become more.

If it is for me, for my glory, for my vanity. Then it is all in vain.

All those years ago I moved, much afraid, into the heel of, well, a pair of heels. Not quite a stiletto back then. 

I moved in faith- yes, it took faith to wear those heels!

The same faith it takes to believe that Jesus is Who He says He is!

Both require letting our guard down.

Both demand that we truly look at ourselves.

And both are acts of obedience.

Could I actually believe that what Jesus had to say about who I am could actually be for me?
Maybe it was meant only for everyone else?
Maybe He really, truly, actually had forgotten about me- I was the, "oh yeah, and you, too, Shannon. You can have a little of My unconditional love."

Somehow there was breakthrough.

PRAISE GOD!!! THERE WAS BREAKTROUGH!!!

Just WHO does God actually say I am?

In working my way through the She Reads Truth Bible Study: Open Your Bible, I see a list.

Attributes of God to me.

Yes!!! God says this OF ME!!!

I am clothed with the righteousness of Jesus! Isaiah 61:10

I am free! Galatians 5:1

I am not condemned! Romans 8:1

I am a new creation! 2 Corinthians 5:17

and two of my very favorites:

I am LOVED! Ephesians 5:2

I am a CHILD OF GOD! John 1:12

GOD SAYS THIS OF YOU, TOO!

Have I captured your attention? Are you desperate to see these like-altering stilettos?
I hope you are.

Here they are:

I understand that this is not, let's say, the best picture of heel-reveal reverie. But, girl, I can honestly say that this picture makes my heart so happy?!

No, it isn't even because of how cute these stilettos are.

It is because it reminds me of how far I have come in my love relationship with Jesus.

And that well-loved book it rests upon? That would be my beloved Bible.

yours,