It is summer break and Big Strong Man and I have upped the sleepover nights from two to three because, why not?
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All together, the five of us spread and sprawl across floors, couches, and one giant recliner and share a sleepover in our living room staying up to the weary hour of 10:30 before turning lights out- it is not uncommon that B.S.M. and I are falling asleep before our little men.
The sleepovers are a tradition everyone enjoys because we are together.
On Friday night, when the lights went out and our eyelids were giving way to the weight of the day, Big Strong Man turned his phone on to worship songs for our listening pleasure. It was too loud for me, but he seemed to enjoy it, as did our sons, so I laid there, just listening.
Falling in and out of sleep, a song came on which got me terrifically excited. Days later, I was trying to recall any of the lyrics so that I could hear it again.
I found the lyrics:
Take my hand to the promise land
And on You I want to stand
Cause I cannot do it on my own
You're what I need and I need to be
Right by your side cause I cannot hide
Lord, I know that I need you
Na na na na na na na na na
I need You
Na na na na na na na na na
I need You
Without You I'm so alone
I am weak but You are strong
You pick me up when I'm falling down
And I'm crying out to You inside of my heart
I need You, Lord, oh so, for the part
I want You to have my life Jesus
Take my hand to the promise land
And on You I want to stand
Cause I cannot do it on my own
You're what I need and I need to be
Right by your side cause I cannot hide
Lord, I know that I need you
Na na na na na na na na na
I need You
Na na na na na na na na na
I need You
I fall to my knees
And I'm begging You please oh Lord
Won't You change me make me
Move from the inside out
I want to shout out Your name
(I need you)
Maybe you need to hear it to appreciate it.
Here it is (you're welcome):
Ruth writes, "We begin to pray when we come to the end of ourselves. We cry out to God as we realize that we aren't God. Lacking His wisdom, strength, and resources, we recognize our need for help. So we pray, and we pray often.
"...I love that the disciples went to Jesus and said, 'Teach us to pray'. For years, I read that verse as if it said, 'Teach us how to pray'. ...We learn how to pray only after we discover that we need to pray." (emphasis mine)
We need God, but do we know it?
I too, have read and reread that verse as teach me how to pray, as if it were a series of right and wrong words and utterances. But to teach one to pray, well, that's all the difference.
It's the desire to seek, not to perfect.
It's declaring need over independence.
It's the acknowledgment of learning, which says that I do not know, I can not do, it isn't mine, until I learn.
And this is so polar-opposite of a generation which cries out as "Miss Independent", "You Do You, Boo", and a series of other cliche declarations of mock-independence.
Once again, I'll ask:
Are you any good at asking for help? Admitting you cannot do it all on your own? Do you have a trusted someone on whom to confide that you aren't as strong, as intelligent, as important as you let on?
But God.
Have you recognized your need...for Him?
I think this song is catchy and the sound is hypnotic: it made me feel like crying and smiling in the same moment. Like dancing and falling.
And the lyrics prove what my ears and heart first gathered: I need You [God].
Cause I cannot do it on my own
You're what I need and I need to be
Right by your side cause I cannot hide
The moments when we first grasp, later return, and eventually rest are some of these learning moments. We cannot do it all on our own- and we don't have to.
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