I have never dated much as a teen nor young adult. When I was 17 years old I committed to wait until marriage to have sex, believing the Word of God to be true and that waiting meant a healthier, happier, more God-centered marriage.
I am not writing today to debate these believes.
Today's post is about when one spouse, or perhaps both, is unfaithful.
I write this from an outsider's point-of-view. Neither Big Strong Man nor I have ever been unfaithful to one another. (And this is solely because of God's grace.)
This is not always the case, I have learned. Not even between two Christian, God-loving, God-fearing spouses. In definition I may not even be sharing the complete truth, because I AM the wife who smashed the cordless keyboard into hundreds of pieces on my front porch when I saw what the keys were leading the screen to. My marriage is not perfect.
So where is God's grace when one friend, and then two more, shares stories of infidelity and uncertainty? When the people you would trust with the very lives of your children are not who you once thought they were. When it hits so close, even home? Where is God then?
Most recently, a friend of mine discovered that her husband of over a decade was having multiple affairs with other women. She shared with me the embarrassment and hurt she is feeling. In the past, he was unfaithful and she had forgiven him. This time she has chosen again to forgive him, however she believes her marriage to be over. This is a God-loving woman.
Two additional friends of mine have gone through similar circumstances. One is married to a man who decided one day that he was no longer certain he wanted to be married. For weeks she walked on egg shells, fearing he may decide that that day was his last (with her).
Another friend discovered that her husband had been unfaithful to her for over a decade.
Each of these friends chose to forgive her spouse.
Doesn't this seem unreal?
Returning to my most recently-effected friend, there was something she had said. Something she had asked of me.
She asked me to pray. For her and for her children.
She also asked me to pray for her husband.
Please don't take sides, she had asked.
Please don't turn your back on him, as he needs a real friend right now.*
Please don't judge him.
Please pray for him.
For his healing.
For his relationship with God.
For his heart.
Friends, if you are reading this because the title of this post spoke to you. If you have felt the hurt of being unfaithful or that of walking-out your vows when your spouse did not, pray.
For some reason it comes very natural to me to just know that forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. A choice. Chose to forgive the offender, even if the offender is yourself.
My friend has it right. She has been hurt, but she has not been broken.
Friend, if you are reading this, I am rooting for you, praying for you, and admiring you for your lovely, forgiving, heart. -
*I do believe it is best for like-genders to build relationships, as in, it is my husband and not I who will be a real friend to this broken man. I can still be his friend, but it is not my place -as a woman- to be a close friend to this man.
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