It is still morning hours and I am feeling accomplished. Tonight we will have friends over and this was the start of a really nice meal.
Worship music playing, children eating breakfast, Big Strong Man walks into the kitchen and we talk.
I walk away, getting ready for church. But one look at the clock and I can see that church begins in 10 minutes and there is so much to do.
As BSM takes control of getting the boys ready, I curl my hair and do my make-up. Lotion, a dress, and heels.
We are ready.
We arrive and check our boys into Kid Zone. As we walk into the service, Nate is just preparing to speak which means we missed worship.
Rats.
As a church, we are doing a series called
Personally, I think this is a fantastic series title.
Today we learn about our gifts, which are not ours at all.
The focus is on 1 Corinthians 12:12-26.
Many different parts equals diversity. My talent is not the same as the next person's, nor her's like his, nor their's like our's. We are all different; all uniquely gifted. But this is sufficient, because we were all given one Spirit to drink.
I dwell on this.
Jesus said to Peter,
The cup.
This is the lot the Lord has given us.
The great plan He has for us.
We are all given from the same Spirit- a cup from the same Potter.
It brings me comfort as I continue through Corinthians and read,
Before Big Strong Man and I were married, I stood before a mirror in the office of a counselor.
He urged me to look at myself and speak truth in love. Speak kindness. What did I love about myself?
I could find nothing.
I write this because, all those years ago, I fought within myself for acceptance. Even the things I did like about myself- my teeth were always getting compliments and I was running a lot so I was thankful for the way that was shaping my legs- it was too hard to verbalize that because it felt wrong.
I could not speak this out loud.
Instead, I cried.
In part, I was afraid that this would elicit laughter from the counselor.
I also feared speaking them aloud would sound pitiful. Even my perceived "good" was not "great", and thus wasn't worth speaking of at all.
So I continued to cry and eventually gave up trying.
*****
Nate speaks of two bases of self.
First, and note this, self is not the object.
This is why it suddenly makes sense to me when Nate reads about the servants in the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25). The first two, given 5 and 2 talents, double the return. They took what their Master had given them and they multiplied it. They acknowledged God had a plan and they looked to Him.
He did not look at the other servants and complain that they had less to be concerned with, or that they had more gifts to begin with.
Each accepted what the Master had given him, and gave it back to Him willingly.
Likewise, the second does the same and to each the Mater replies,
The third servant is different, however. To the Master, he says,
At the time of the mirror, I was living my life in fear. I was "playing it safe", by fear and rejection and I chose this rather than utilizing my God-given talents and gifts. -Or, in this case, my identity in Christ.
Fully loved and accepted; fearfully and wonderfully made.
I thought I couldn't speak kindly about myself because I was doing myself a favor.
Instead, I was telling God that He was not Who He said He was.
He was not fair to me.
He was too hard.
I was believing and confessing and sharing lies.
*****
Nate says that their are two types of self:
the self-absorbed or inflated. This is pride-based and assumes that, I deserve better. God didn't give me the talent to lead worship and I deserved to have it.
Me.
I deserved.
I am better.
I will do this my way and not His.
The second is the self-abasement. This speaks the lies of negative talk and unbelief.
I suck and I am not worthy are found here.
I lived in the latter for a long time.
God, You made a mistake with me.
You were wrong.
I suck and You do, too.
Because YOU made ME wrong.
Once again, the focus becomes self, not Him.
*****
How about this: Being in God's purpose = making an impact for Him. -For His glory.
Maybe...and what a concept...God has us where we are for a reason.
And here's the truth: what we believe about God is the most important thing about us. -It directly impacts who we are and what we do.
^^The is well said...and I am not the author if it.
*****
Our gifts are not our own. They are to serve others with. To glorify God with.
It is my desire to glorify God.
So I start here, with intentional thankfulness.
Lord, show me how to use this for You.
There is freedom here. He leads and I follow. And, greater still, I can trust that He won't lead me where He won't go. (Thank you, Steffany Grettzinger.)
This life, it is not my fight. I get to rest on Jesus.
I get to believe what He says about me; trust the talents He has given me; and embrace the place He has placed me.
Because it never was about me anyway.
Owwww. Sweet release.
(Don't forget to read Giftings; part 2, You can read it here.)
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