Cliques are Sucky...Let's Just be Frank

Friends, I told B. about the Dinner Club and about how she was number five in a group maxed-out at four. How, quite literally, she would have been number one, had I thought of her in time. (Haven't a clue what I am going on about? Catch-up here.)

Although I was very nervous and apologetic from the start, I still behaved rather stupidly while she was beuno-amazing-o. 

Me: "So, B., I have to talk to you."

B.: "Sure, what's up?"
Me: "So...the thing is...here's the thing...." Followed by, "I have be in a tizzy for the last week regarding this and I by no means what you to misunderstand what I have to say by thinking this was intentional...". And then, the best bit of all was when I stated, "Look, if this gets too uncomfortable, just look at my bearded neck (my neck covered in zits). I know they're there, and they are gross and I know it. If at any point what I say hurts you, look at my zits and see how humbled I am." Smooth, aren't I? Not.

B: "You're fine." (She was referring to my neck. Isn't she lovely?)
Me: "So, the thing is..." That was the bit when I proceeded to tell her about how the Dinner Club was formed and how she was the member I wish had crossed my mind sooner. How I practically begged Big Strong Man (who said NO) and even asked for a second opinion (which was a NO) about adding one more family (hers). "Ultimately, I need to respect my husband and, it is true that I agree, five couples is a lot."  I paused before asking, "Are you upset with me, B.?"

B.: "No, I am not mad."

Here's the crazy part: I believe her. Well, kinda. I would have been upset, inwardly if I necessary, but upset, none-the-less. B. seemed entirely understandable and sympathetic. When I told her I thought of her as my best friend in G-burg, she hugged me and told me I was her closest friend as well. 

To say I am glad THAT conversation is over is an understatement. 

Eventually the conversation led us to speaking of cliques. I am VERY cautious that this Dinner Club is going to look clique-ish and it both frustrates and upsets me. I don't want a clique! I most certainly don't want to form a clique- or be the LEADER of a clique! 

The thing about cliques is this, they suck. Everyone on the outside feels badly about not being accepted into the inside and those within hold an air of "better than". 

It is very "high school mean girl-ish". 

And it sucks, let's be frank. 

So how, I wonder, does one pose the idea of a club (say, a Dinner Club) and have limited space for logistical reasons (number of silverware one family has; number of people one is expected to prepare food for; number of children families have in total and how to contain them; how to align the schedules of x-amount of families, yada-yada, und so weiter...) and not have said group of people form a pose? And what if we get-on (which is the hope) and want to spend more time together, outside of Dinner Club? 

In the end, I suppose the biggest difference is the exclusivity. Although we need to draw a line with how many people can be present (again, logistical reasonings), it does NOT mean that we are exclusive within that group. 

And so, I bring to you a thought of Big Strong Man:
"Hun", he called from the shower. "Yes", I responded, walking into the bathroom. "Why don't we just form another group? Have a SECOND Dinner Club and your friend is the first one invited." 

Wwwhhhaaatttt???

After I composed myself and we had a moment to think it over, we came to a new and improved idea: a Game Club. 

One evening a month 

with B. and her family as well as the family with the husband B.S.M. is most chummy with. 

6+5+3 children and 6 adults. 

I thrive in this environment: busy, planned, groups. B.S.M., not as much. But he is willing. How very kind. How very sacrificial. 

The thing is, a clique can be easily (and accidentally) formed, and it really is difficult to break-in. By why should anyone be forced to do that breaking-in garbage? Why? 

How about this, how about no cliques? 

How about inviting many people into our lives and not being limited? So Dinner Club has reached it's maximum potential, why not do something else and invite a different group?

Why not make opportunities where they were not already formed? 

Invite as many people into our lives as possible? 

Form community. 

                                               creator academy

It does not mean that we need to stretch ourselves thin. Or have no free or personal time. It does not mean that we are no longer limited by space and time (obviously), or that we can be irresponsible with our other obligations. 

But it does mean this: so many people are anticipating an opportunity to be a part of something. So many others have the resources -or supportive husbands- to help make opportunities happen. What a beautiful combination the two make when placed together.  

Cliques be darned. 

-yours,