Yesterday we outlined the process of knowing who and what tend to make us bitter, and how to combat that with a game plan.
What do we need to do to protect our time, mental health, energy, etc.?
We considered what we need to know about ourselves to give us a more confident "no"- when necessary, as well as a strong why.
And then this beauty: If you don't have Personal Priorities, other people's priorities will hijack your life. <- that little diddy comes from Muchelle.
Today I want to dig a little deeper with my own Personal Policies and Boundaries.
But first, check out our mentor, Muchelle, on her blog post about Personal Policies, here.
You can also start with Day one of this challenge, here.
*****
Did you do it? Did you consider what and who and why and all.the.things. which make you bitter and crazy and what plan you have to be prepared for and stand up to, this?
Because if your game plan is nada,
then you will continue to be bitter.
Your time will be abused. Your intentions, manipulated.
People will take what they can get, and if their "can you..." is stronger than you, "no way", who is the victor in that situation?
Not you.
Personal Policy number 1:
Direct Sales. I despise them. I know I am not supposed to write this. I am not supposed to look down my nose at them and wish they would be banned from Facebook. I am not supposed to secretly wish all of my friends were freed from them and thus I would never again be faced with the always-awkward,"would you like to come to/host my party...?".
The answer is no.
Always, no.
Unless I contacted you about the item, I am not interested.
And this seems harsh. I have a lot of friends who sell product, and a few of them do incredibly well. The vacations, the pink cars, the fat paychecks, I know these are possible. I have seen it.
But I am not the friend to help get you there.
And I'm sorry...?
Not sorry.
To make a long story really short, the set-up of a direct sales party is too heavy for me. Never once have I desired to be put in a position to buy something I may or may not even want at an extraordinary price and then try to be manipulated into an up-sale. Never once have I thought that was a good and fair way to sell a product.
I get uncomfortable when a homeless person asks me for money, and I dare say, I would much rather offer them $5 for a meal than to buy a ... for 5x that price.
The ... is a blanket: I am an equal direct sales non-lover.
Handbags
oils
face creams
all.the.things.
On the flip, I sold product with a direct sales company (who shall remain nameless, *ehem Thirty-One) and I hated it. I worked my butt off and never saw a profit. But worse than that, so much worse, was that I know first-hand how the sales consultant (typically your friend), is taught to make cold-calls and put you on the spot, make you feel obligation, and then convince you to host a party. I know how awkward this is for both parties, but I still did it. For the sake of direct sales.
And I lost friends.
Literally, people began to ignore me.
Here's my point: I don't do direct sales.
Please don't try to sell to me- I am not interested.
Thank you for thinking I would be good for your team- I am not interested.
You are having a great sale? A party for the veterans? Offering me your personal discount?
Thank you- I'm not interested.
If I am, I'll let you know.
Personal Policy number 2:
School Fundraisers
Really, this can read "fundraisers", straight up.
It might be for our amazing school, the soccer team we are so proud to be a part of, of the gofundme page of any given friend. I love you. I want to support you- I wish you the best, but I am not buying a box of chocolates for $30. Or wrapping paper. Or candles.
I am thrifty to a fault. I mean, I am a cheap-o. But I am not heartless, nor am I made of money.
I think it is wise to consider the need. Consider the relationship you have to this person. Consider your ability to help, and what that looks like.
Maybe money is the easiest, the most logical, but maybe not.
When Big Strong Man and I can get behind something or someone, we have no problem supporting with a paycheck. On the flip, when something is ludicrous (see almost every school fundraiser, ever), then no.
The beautifully prepared fliers goes directly into my recycle container. (Unless the boys want to make cards and ask grandparents, in which case, I am A-OK with holding onto the sales form.)
And here's the kicker: I Don't Feel Bad About This.
I Don't.
It is a thorn in my side, likely in yours as well.
But I don't buy the hype.
I don't believe these chocolates are the best thing ever I'll ever taste, or that this candle is superior to the Perfect Harvest Holiday Espresso candle I bought from the Dollar General. It is the stuff dreams are made of- and it cost me $5!
Personal Policy number 3:
Birthday Parties/ Birthday Gifts
This can also be labeled: holiday shopping.
My children have never once had an all-out, anything goes, $100s+ birthday party. You know the type, I know you do. You are reading this, so you have access to Facebook, Instagram, and Pintrest. And people love to document their perfectly groomed, lavishly themed, birthday parties.
And I am impressed by them. And I am greatly annoyed by them, simultaneously.
Because there is a precedent one is setting, a line in the sand.
When your one year old has a birthday party the size of Texas, you are shooting yourself in the foot to outdo yourself for the next birthday.
And going backwards to a more modest party is much more difficult than going forward to a progressivly -or occassionally- more lavish party.
Going backwards is difficult, just ask the man driving in reverse on the battlegrounds today while our Cub Scout pack was out hiking. Geesh.
***For your viewing pleasure, I googled "lavish 1-year-old birthday parties": these were some of my favorites:
 |
| Source |
 |
| Source |
 |
| Source |
I don't think it is bad to want nice things, for ourselves and our children.
I do think setting a precedence of greed, expectancy, and haughtiness is terrible- and the children cannot be blamed. The parents who do this set their children up for failure.
And it is sad that this is a cultural norm.
We like ours small: the parties. We invite friends, family. There is always food, games. Our goody bags are modest, and may include random tid-bits my children never once played with from when we went to your child's birthday party and you passed out $10 goody bags to all 37 guests.
When we attend a party, we NEVER, (with the single exception of family) go over $10. Maybe a gift card and a little trinket, but that's it.
And we make home-made cards, which are the equivalent to my 3 and 6-year-old scribbling on a paper and my 8-year-old writing, "Happy Berfday".
This filters down into holiday gifts as well. Neither Big Strong Man nor I have ever had an overwhelming desire to spoil our children. They have so much! But birthdays, and Christmas, Valentine's Day, and all.the.things. they all demand that we give more, do more. In return, they expect more, demand more. We set our bar pretty low and, although you may argue that we are preventing them from being as happy as they can without every. new. toy. ever., we will disagree and stick to our guns.
We love our sons, want the best for them: this doesn't mean they get every last thing. Far from it.
*****
What would you include on your list?
Remember, this is your list, just as this one you are reading is mine.
You don't need to understand my why, and I do not need to understand yours.
Graciously, we both took that You Get To Choose (how to live/what your boundaries are/what you like, don't like) mentality and are living it.
Graciously my friends in direct sales will still love me after reading this. Maybe some friends of yester-year whom I lost when I was a pushy sales consultant will come back 'round to me.
When I think about it though, I mean, really think about it, these are non-negotiables to me.
These scenarios make me bitter.
And we are cutting the bitter to make room for the sweet...or something like that.
No comments:
Post a Comment