How to Set Personal Policies and Boundaries: Mini Life Reset #5, Day 3/4

Welcome back!
Today's blog post is all about those Personal Policies and Boundaries we have been making headline on. (Click HERE for the cooresponding vlog post)
Our day one challenge was to outline what our P.P.'s entail.
Our day two challenge was to get specific about what we needed more of/less of in our lives- unapologetically.

Our day three challenge is to have a WHY which is big and strong, and holds the ability to reverberate the reason we take this stand. This means we need to having a prepared plan of action for when other people, situations, and the like, try to sway us.

Write down what to do if 

WHEN 

someone tries to overstep that personal policy.

Write down their possible reaction 

and how you plan to respond to their response.

HAVE A GAME PLAN. 

It's a matter of when. Unless you tattoo it across your forehead, make a personalized bumper sticker, or walk around with no candor or reserve, people will overstep their boundaries, get too close to yours, and there will be times when you have to find your voice. 

A mock rehearsal. 

A go-to line. 

A mantra. 

You need something to remind you to be you- without reservation. 

To stick to your guns; to speak truth- without fear. 

You get to have an opinion in your life! And your opinion should submit under God's alone. 

Under. God's. Alone. 

Not your best friend, spouse, children, or mother. 

You get to define what your boundaries are. 

So here goes: 

Yesterday we discussed my disdain of fundraisers, direct sales, and overspending for birthday parties. 

Here is a game plan:

Friend: Hey, gomommyblogger, would you like to host a ... party for me? 
Me: Hey friend, thank you for thinking of me. I would love to help you out- and I hope the very best for your business- but I have a personal policy against doing parties like these because they make me wildly uncomfortable. 

Friend (well-meaning but getting a little pushy): I promise, there will be NO PRESSURE. 

Me (trying REALLY HARD not to roll me eyes, because, yeah right): Thanks, again, but no thank you. 

At this point, my friend either heard me and gets the point. OR. My friend keeps pushing. Maybe the initial inquiry wasn't to host a party, but to attend. They throw out the "no pressure" spiel and follow up with, "you don't even have to buy anything, just come, BE MY SUPPORT".

Here's the thing. At this point, I am ANNOYED. I am BITTER. My friend did not hear me say no. She tried to manipulate me (perhaps unintentionally) to host/attend, and now she is trying to shame me into coming. 

Am I less of a friend if I continue to say no? What kind of monster doesn't want to support her friends? 

But the bitterness is beginning to rise in me- I cannot help it. I feel unheard. Disrespected. 

Me: Thank you, but no thank you. I wish you well. This is NOT for me. 

*****

How did I do?
Would you persist, if you were the friend asking me? Would you catch my drift? 

*****

Another area of my life, one I did not mention yesterday, is also in need of a boundary line: being overwhelmed by the conversation. 

So often for me this looks like the phone call which won't end. It is likely that I wanted to speak with said person, but after 45 mins., the need to seize getting other stuff completed (one can only fold so much laundry whilst cradling the phone to her ear), and having had asked my boys multitudes of times to "wait a moment", I am beyond done. 

I wanted out 30 minutes ago. 

What's a girl to do? 

Have a game plan. 

Once the conversation has run it's course (i.e. we are repeating ourselves, talking about other people [side bar, this is rarely positive], or the conversation turned sour and there is complaining) I'm Done.  

Yes, Mr. Obama, my sentiments exactly, source

Big Strong Man takes notice IMMEDIATELY. He'll take one look at me and ask why on earth I didn't hang up a long time ago? Why I allowed the complaining to come in. Why I allow this to continue. 

He'll ask, because he sees the instant reaction my body takes. I am more irritable. I am grumpy and short. When I'm wise, I'll ask for time alone, to decompress. When I'm not so wise, I'll flip out on everyone for just living their lives.

Now the 45 minute conversation is spilling over into my mental health, my family time, and my attitude. The 45 minute phone conversation now demands an additional 2 hours for me to cool down. 

It needs to change. 

*And let me state this: sometimes the conversation isn't negative. Sometimes the only issue is that it is taking too long. I may have tried to excuse myself, "hey, I'm going to need to let you go now", but the recipient had just one more thing to tell me. Still, it needs to change. 

Amy Landino address this in her vlog post titled: 

HOW TO SAY 'NO' WHEN SOMEONE WANTS YOUR ATTENTION

Making time to say no. 

It becomes a respect issue. 

"The no, if it's communicated property, is often welcome. You just have to say it."

"I think you should be really open to "standing your ground" on how you do something because it shows someone you do have boundaries, you do have processes, and it doesn't mean you have to be rigid in them, it just means that you're not just floating in the wind like a leaf based on what somebody else wants you to do." -Amy (emphs. mine)

Again, Muchelle: "If you don't have Personal Priorities, other people's priorities will hijack your life."

My wall is when I can feel the desire to be elsewhere and the conversation is keeping that from happening. I want to clean, speak to my children, read a book. But I cannot. I have mentally checked-out but am fanning some "good girl" faux self by remaining on the line. 

It needs to end. When that point comes, 5 minutes or 25 minutes into the conversation, I need to give a firm, "it's time for me to go now". If it is received, fabulous, and if the dreaded "one more thing" should arise, it has 2 minutes of my attention. MAX. 

*****

If you happen to invite me to your party or call me just to "shoot the breeze" about anything and nothing, you can attest to my desire to bow out. You will hear my polite no and my firm good bye. It has nothing to do with lack of love -I've got lots of love for you!- but prioritizing my mental health, boundaries, and energy is tops. 

Love for now!

Share your Personal Policy Playlist in the comments for fun interaction!