When we arrived in Indiana back in October 2020 (in the midst of the pandemic) I found a group of people working out by total happenstance. I stopped to watch- medicine balls, legs bands, burpees... I smiled to myself and thought "these are MY PEOPLE!" And then I drove away.
A moment later I put my car in reverse and got out. I knew I had this chance and -perhaps new and desperate, perhaps brazen and feeling empowered- I approached the group and asked them who they were. Are you part of a gym? Are you a class? After gaining some details by one member who, graciously, met me halfway on my walk towards the lot of them, I asked if I could join. You look like the kind of people I want to work out with. And you're working out the way I love. Is it possible I can join you?
And with that, I was in!
Crazy to me that I had the cojones to ask, but I also felt like it just made sense- we all had the same, common goal of working out and being in community.
And with that, 3x/week we met until it became too cold to stand the dropping temperatures. With a chorus of "happy holidays" and "see you in the spring", we all drove our separate ways awaiting the warm spring to bring us back to one another.
Or so I thought.
The first text I sent asking if there was a start date as the weather was warming up drastically was answered with a casual, "I haven't heard anything yet."
Two weeks later I got a different response. The group kicked me out. They "maxed out" at the number of people capable of meeting and I was not part of the original 6 so, deuces to me.
I oscillated between feeling like I should cry (really, there is not enough room in the HUGE FIELD you are meeting in?) and laughing. Really...? Come on now.
I decided to lean into the laughter and miss them as I did, it motivated me to find another outlet. Running. This was my "first love" with exercise. Way back when, as a 21-year-old living in Los Angeles, I, a never-before-runner decided I wanted to run the LA marathon. Lofty, I know. I didn't expect that I would run the entire thing, but I sure wanted to participate. With the motivation of my then-roomie, Jen-Leave-a-Message-and-I-will-get-back-at-my-earliest-convenience-Hardgrave, we ran and prepped and...well, I never did run it. A sad, sad story for another day.
**Roomie- LOVE YOU!**
17 years later and I still never ran a marathon, nor a 5K for that matter. And when the door shut on the workout group the door for Couch to 5K (C25K) came flying open. This is my year.
But every sad story needs more dramatics, and so I will tell you how, much like the group of us working out together, I was also relocated from my Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) group this year. It fell at the most terrible/wonderful time and I contemplated leaving BSF altogether because I was hurt and felt abandoned by my group regardless of my first leader insisting that I was being switched to another group which she felt would be "better suited for me".
I could laugh now, but back then I felt hurt. Once again, these were supposed to be "my people", and they were trading me. I felt like Peyton Manning when, in 2012 he was "released by the Colts"- a reference I understand only because I married a Hoosier and the name "Manning" -much like "Knight"- is still said with reverence.
Turns out, I do prefer my second BSF group more than my first and I have worked my way up to a mile+ with running, forfeiting the C25K app on week three because I was already beyond it!
Win + Win = WINNING!!
Indiana is hard on me. Returning here, I anticipated some sort of redemption to make up for how it hurt me 12 years ago when I first lived here as a newlywed. I haven't given up on this hope, either. But, much like holding hope in one hand, I am holding closure in the other.
I shared this sentiment with Big Strong Man. Why was everyone giving up on me, trading me, removing me from the details? Why did Indiana have to suck so badly? And his kind, patient response did me in. "Maybe", he started, "these doors are closing, reminding you that this is not your home- there is something better". And, friends, I believe that. I receive it. I accept that.
Indiana, I don't hate you, I just never really had too many positive experience concerning you. Although we will always be acquaintances, I have accepted the fact that we will never be BFFs.
much love and deuces!!
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